hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
