So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
