your thong is hanging out like whoa
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
