I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
