I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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