We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize