and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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