I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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