It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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