i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
