I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
