We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
