Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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