OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
