There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
