i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
