our cab driver is having phone sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
