i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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