awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize