So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
