i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
