Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Can Purell be used as lube?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
