To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
