omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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