Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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