So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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