You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
