Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
