I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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