Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
