As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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