I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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