Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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