Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
