You just made me feel so damn special
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
