**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize