there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
