he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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