Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
