I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
