no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
