i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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