The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
