found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
