So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
