the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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