Just cropdusted the office
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
