That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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