if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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