did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
