paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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