there's paper in my vomit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
