i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
