Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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