They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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