He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
