the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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