I cockslap morals
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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