As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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