Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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