Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
