if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
