Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
