you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
