I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
