I wanna passion pit in your ass
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hello my rib-scented angel!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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