What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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