you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
