A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
