remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
