It's Friday. Sex?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize