Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
