My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
